Rollercoaster Ride...

It's been 2 whole months since I've posted anything...life has been crazy! Who knew the ups and downs we would go through during these past 8 weeks. Sorry it's a bit long.

A week after our baby girl was born, I noticed her eye was getting all goopy. I was worried that it was pink eye, so I made an appt. to take her in the next day, Monday. I had Ken take off work since I couldn't take both girls by myself. While we were there we had the Dr. (not our original one) look at Ellie too because she was coughing so bad. She looked in her ears and she had minor ear infections. She didn't do a strep test because she was already going to be on anti-biotics. The Dr. said that most likely the babies eye goop was from a clogged tear duct, but she gave us a prescription ointment to put on her eye.

It was around that same day (or the day before, 1 week old) that I noticed she would have a few apnea spells during/after feedings. She would hold her breath and I panicked every time. I didn't know what was wrong and it wasn't getting better. So I made an appt. again for Wednesday to have her checked out with our real Dr. They suctioned out some boogers to have tested. About 10 minutes later my Dr. came in and said "It's what I thought...she has RSV." I was totally stunned and caught off guard. We were so careful to keep her in our room away from the other 2 sick girls. RSV was the last thing I thought of. She said "By the sound of her cough, Ellie has it too". She had another apnea spell while the Dr. was in there (thank goodness!)...it seemed like forever to find a suction bulb and get her to breathe. The Dr. then said "We need to admit her and keep her here until she gets better." I started crying -- I had no clue it was that bad. She hadn't showed any signs of being sick, besides the apnea spells. I am grateful for the inspiration us mothers receive for our children. Sometimes I question whether or not I am being paranoid about something, but it always turns out that I am right in my decision to go have them checked out.

We walked down the hall of the hospital to the Respiratory floor with the oxygen hooked to her. That started the long road to recovery. She didn't seem that bad at the beginning -- the Dr.'s were unsure of whether this was the beginning or the end of the sickness. By Friday night it was at its peak. They were suctioning every 2 hours instead of every 4. She was eating great, but it was definitely a struggle for her to breathe. Because she was nursing, they encourage the moms to stay at the hospital with the babies. Plus they are in their own room and need to be watched.

My poor husband was stuck with the other 3 girls at home -- working from home while getting them off to school, making sure homework was being done, tackling the bedtime routine every night, etc. He did an outstanding job and even had the house clean when I came home. I want to thank all my friends out there who helped us in time of need. I am VERY fortunate to have amazing friends who looked after my family while I was away. They brought meals in every night and made sure they were being taken care of. I know Ken was very appreciative...having one more thing to worry about would have put him over the edge. I am just sorry I couldn't be here to taste all the delicious meals that were brought in. I know I've said it a few times, but THANK YOU again for your kindness and generosity!

We were able to come home the following Tuesday afternoon, almost a week after being admitted. She unfortunately was still on 1/4 liter of oxygen. I had only been home an hour and I was on the edge -- I so paranoid about every wiggle, squeak, cry, and sniffle. I felt so overwhelmed with the responsibility of this little baby who was now 100% in my care. I didn't have a nurse to run in when something went wrong. I didn't have that assurance that everything was going to be okay. I had a slight breakdown right before dinner was brought to us (sorry Haley!).

They have an outpatient RSV clinic that I could call at anytime to go in and have them deep suction her. That night I debated back and forth whether I should take her in, but I knew that if I didn't and something were to happen over night that I would kick myself. So I decided to take her up to McKay Dee that night to give myself a peace of mind. Shortly after we got in the car she started crying. I stopped 2-3 times on the way up there because I was afraid she couldn't breathe. One point she stopped crying and I got all scared...I reached my hand behind me and started wiggling her chair to make sure she was still alive. I was relieved when she started crying. It was the longest car ride I've ever taken up to the hospital. The respiratory therapist suctioned her and scored her as a 3-4 out of 10. On the notes it said to call the on call Dr. if she scores that high. After she spoke to him he wanted to talk to me. He asked "So how do you feel?" I started crying and said "Overwhelmed". It was too much for me. So he suggested we stay the night to make sure she was okay. Ken was a little disappointed when I called him to tell him I wasn't coming home...he thought for sure that we were home for good. My in-laws were kind enough to go down to our house the next day and get the bag that Ken packed for me and bring it back up to the hospital. We stayed another 4 days while doing more tests to make sure she didn't catch anything else. I felt so trapped and unable to do anything. I took probably 3 showers in those 11 days of being at the hospital -- I didn't feel like I could do anything. If I would have known this would have happened, I would have gone out to buy a laptop to keep me busy. :) That Saturday we came home and I don't think Ken could have been more happy. :)

It's been over 6 weeks since she first got sick and she is still trying to get over it. She hasn't been able to get off her oxygen yet, but we're working on it. My girls (the same 2 as before) have caught another cold and we're back to keeping the baby isolated. When is the warm weather going to stay for good? I am sick of the sickness!